RAMBLINGS
An all too ordinary story, with aftertaste so bitter
Forced to be someone I don't want to be
I'm losing myself... sinking deeper down
I'm caught in the world wound web
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Glancing out at the sea from the sandy shore of my hometown in Malacca, what do I see? The distant horizon so unclear within my eyes, maybe due to the fact that I’m not wearing my glasses. But what I see was a blurry dark blue horizons that seem like its covered in a mist or something and I even thought I saw a huge wave rising and panic struck through my mind thinking its a fucking tsunami attacking us. But wouldn’t it be good to die in such a tragic way? To ease of all the trouble in a dramatic way, where you gain attention by a lot of people that way, is by dying, by having your last breath and words so the they could remember you for the rest of your life. Your words. Back to where I was glancing at the horizon, I can feel the ease and tension fading from my mind as I’m going through a whole lot of shit this days, what shit you wouldn’t get when you are in Form 5 and plus the whole problem you shall go through in a teenage life, shits happen everywhere for you, tend to get emotionally sensitive and all. Well, maybe its only me that experiencing all that. I don’t have a clear mind anymore, I’m always distracted in my own ways or so. It gives me effects that I can’t take it at times. Im at this hour writing this stuff to let go off something in me, just a tiny bit. I just had another argument with someone. I not going to pin point on who’s fault or whoever is it. There’s no point to it as what is done is done. It’s kind off of a heated one until we seem like we got fed up of each other though. I admit that my anger management is bad. I can’t actually move on in anything without ‘the one’, I can’t actually concentrate well in doing anything without ‘the one’, I can’t even live on well without ‘the one’, I really got to admit it. A flash into the past where I had this thought in me, we are not together anymore, anything ‘the one’ do or ‘the one’s life and death got nothing to do with me anymore. What is that? Just another cover-up a wound in the heart? It penetrates easily with salty liquid from my body. Whatever I do, ‘the one’ will just flash into my mind most of the time. Engulfing every other thought in me. Until I know that I will not fight over that anymore, I shall go on and do what I want to do most of all is to love and care for ‘the one’. Im not the best guy around somehow. I don’t give a damn of any competition if there is any. Even the worse of the worse I am, that’s still me to be. Pressure of exams are hard to resist the most where freedom gets clogged up and all u got to do is to just stay put in your own personal lair and read anything you can just to get shits of maths and science into the fucking brain off mine that will always reject and puke out whats coming in. I don’t think I can manage any of those anymore after this. I’m going to retire after this fucking SPM, no more brain storming for any ways to solve a maths question or words to put into a science plain dumb questions. Off to enjoy doing what I want to do most and earning cash! Seeing the plain waves, just washing over my feet to wet my shoes (GREAT!!), the water just comes in and out without any trouble, so trouble free, like the open sea where you can just swim all you want and all you have to worry only is about the sharks or killer whales or naughty dolphins that will pull you to all over the ocean till you are in the ocean of nowhere, then the penguins come surrounding you and annoy you with their zebra-like colours and all. The blue skies that coordinate with the ocean, giving the ocean its blue. A positive bluesy feel around the atmosphere, closing the eye to feel it deep within. I don’t know what will happen the next day, I talked too much I guess just now, I deserved anything hurtful to befall me once again. I’m not an angel in disguise, not an angel too. Long time considered fallen from grace ever since that LOST of mine. Even it’s going to be gone forever, I must try accept the fact theres no more hope anymore. No more.. I shall set myself free like the ocean after all is done and said and the consequences of it.
Another Ordinary Story at Saturday, August 23, 2008;
Glancing out at the sea from the sandy shore of my hometown in Malacca, what do I see? The distant horizon so unclear within my eyes, maybe due to the fact that I’m not wearing my glasses. But what I see was a blurry dark blue horizons that seem like its covered in a mist or something and I even thought I saw a huge wave rising and panic struck through my mind thinking its a fucking tsunami attacking us. But wouldn’t it be good to die in such a tragic way? To ease of all the trouble in a dramatic way, where you gain attention by a lot of people that way, is by dying, by having your last breath and words so the they could remember you for the rest of your life. Your words. Back to where I was glancing at the horizon, I can feel the ease and tension fading from my mind as I’m going through a whole lot of shit this days, what shit you wouldn’t get when you are in Form 5 and plus the whole problem you shall go through in a teenage life, shits happen everywhere for you, tend to get emotionally sensitive and all. Well, maybe its only me that experiencing all that. I don’t have a clear mind anymore, I’m always distracted in my own ways or so. It gives me effects that I can’t take it at times. Im at this hour writing this stuff to let go off something in me, just a tiny bit. I just had another argument with someone. I not going to pin point on who’s fault or whoever is it. There’s no point to it as what is done is done. It’s kind off of a heated one until we seem like we got fed up of each other though. I admit that my anger management is bad. I can’t actually move on in anything without ‘the one’, I can’t actually concentrate well in doing anything without ‘the one’, I can’t even live on well without ‘the one’, I really got to admit it. A flash into the past where I had this thought in me, we are not together anymore, anything ‘the one’ do or ‘the one’s life and death got nothing to do with me anymore. What is that? Just another cover-up a wound in the heart? It penetrates easily with salty liquid from my body. Whatever I do, ‘the one’ will just flash into my mind most of the time. Engulfing every other thought in me. Until I know that I will not fight over that anymore, I shall go on and do what I want to do most of all is to love and care for ‘the one’. Im not the best guy around somehow. I don’t give a damn of any competition if there is any. Even the worse of the worse I am, that’s still me to be. Pressure of exams are hard to resist the most where freedom gets clogged up and all u got to do is to just stay put in your own personal lair and read anything you can just to get shits of maths and science into the fucking brain off mine that will always reject and puke out whats coming in. I don’t think I can manage any of those anymore after this. I’m going to retire after this fucking SPM, no more brain storming for any ways to solve a maths question or words to put into a science plain dumb questions. Off to enjoy doing what I want to do most and earning cash! Seeing the plain waves, just washing over my feet to wet my shoes (GREAT!!), the water just comes in and out without any trouble, so trouble free, like the open sea where you can just swim all you want and all you have to worry only is about the sharks or killer whales or naughty dolphins that will pull you to all over the ocean till you are in the ocean of nowhere, then the penguins come surrounding you and annoy you with their zebra-like colours and all. The blue skies that coordinate with the ocean, giving the ocean its blue. A positive bluesy feel around the atmosphere, closing the eye to feel it deep within. I don’t know what will happen the next day, I talked too much I guess just now, I deserved anything hurtful to befall me once again. I’m not an angel in disguise, not an angel too. Long time considered fallen from grace ever since that LOST of mine. Even it’s going to be gone forever, I must try accept the fact theres no more hope anymore. No more.. I shall set myself free like the ocean after all is done and said and the consequences of it.
